Preparing for Custody Battles

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Divorce is hardly a pleasant experience for anyone; however, when children are involved and both parents are pursuing custody, the ensuing custody battle can be exceptionally difficult for everyone involved. If you find yourself in the midst of a custody battle or frankly are preparing for one that has yet to occur, there are steps that you need to take and things that need to be considered.

Often, parents can work things out and share custody of the children. Both parents work amicably together with joint custody rights, often using shared parenting schedules, keep the child’s best interests at heart. In all instances and without a doubt, this is the path that should be pursued first. When both of you are responsible adults that are able to contribute to the positive upbringing of your children, then you should.

However when you believe that you should have custody of your children and the other parent disagrees, you need to prepare yourself for a long, hard-fought child custody battle and follow these steps on how to get full custody of your child:

  1. Have a strategy
  2. Keep your facts consistent
  3. Emphasize the positives
  4. Don’t fight the system – try to win it over

Have a strategy

Anyone who is preparing for, going through or has come out the other side of a custody battle can tell you that it is an extremely emotional situation. You are not fighting for your best interest, but rather your child’s. In this situation, it’s important to have a strategy. That is, it’s important to enter the situation with a clearly thought out idea as to why your child is going to be best off with you. Do you already spend the most time with your child? Can you offer a positive home environment? Are you financially able and willing to be the sole custody provider? Any, I not all of these things are important in your custody strategy. It’s important to not let your emotions towards your ex-partner diminish your capacity to effectively communicate why it’s best for the child if you are the custodial parent.

Keep your facts consistent

Once you have your strategy determined, you need to make sure that you keep your facts consistent. While each party will have a different story as to why they should be gain primary custody, it’s important that you maintain a single version of the truth, which means you should clearly communicate why you feel you should have custody and produce a convincing evidence trail to support your claims. It really is important at this stage to document everything that happens in your child’s life as well as your interactions with the other parent. Keep track of time spent with each parent, pick-ups, drop-offs, outings, etc. It’s important that during the custody battle, you don’t constantly change your story as to why the child would be best with you. This is what we mean by a single version of the truth.

Emphasize the Positives

Throughout the constant process of creating a thorough evidence trail, many people suggest that you keep the reasons you want your child positive. Unless the other parent engages in blatantly risky or illegal behavior that can put your child at risk, you should focus on the positive and loving environment that you can offer your child. The biggest mistake many parents make is letting any bitter feelings toward the other parent color their custody case. Remember it’s not about you versus them. It’s about your child.

Don’t try to beat the system – win it

Anyone will tell you, the family legal system is not fair. The custody mediation process is not fair. And, no, you can’t change it over night. That shouldn’t be your goal. Custody of your child is your goal and to achieve this, you need to win over the judge, the mediator, the court system. You need to show them that truly the child’s best interest is served if you have custody. If you have a clearly defined strategy, supported by evidence that speaks of the positive, loving environment that you can provide, you have a very good chance of gaining custody. As with everything involved in this process, the most important thing to remember is that it’s not about your or the other parent, but about your children.

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