Parenting Archive

How to Create a Child Visitation Schedule

By Dan | Published: February 28, 2011

After a divorce or separation, one of the most important things that need to be addressed is the child visitation schedule. Even if one parent has sole custody, and perhaps in some cases, especially if one parent has sole custody, setting up a child visitation schedule is important because it will layout in no uncertain terms in language agreed upon by both parents, when and how much time the child is going to spend with each parent. Spending time setting up a good visitation schedule will ensure that the best interest of the child is always the main focus.

A visitation schedule is basically a calendar or schedule that clearly defines how much time a child is going to spend with each parent, and where that time will occur. It is basically the agreement that you and the other parent come up with that tries to ensure that each parent can play an active role in the child’s life, all while making sure that the child’s best interests are served. Because a child visitation schedule or joint custody schedule really is specific to the needs of each family; you also need to remember that there isn’t a generic Standard visitation schedule that will work for every situation. Instead, you’ll need to make sure that you AND the other parent really addresses the needs of your child and create shared parenting calendar that strives to include both parents as active caregivers in their child’s upbringing. Generally, a good visitation schedule is broken down into these main parts:

Regular or Everyday Schedule
Holiday Schedule
Vacation Schedule
Visitation Schedule Guidelines

Starting with these four components, you should be able to create a visitation schedule for you child that works for your situation.

The regular schedule

The regular or everyday time, will really be the majority of your child’s day-to-day routine. This is generally the largest part of your child’s daily schedule. It sets out the majority of your child’s day and where the time will be spent. If the child is in daycare or in school, this time needs to be accounted for in this section as well. If parents have joint custody, rather than sole custody, this does not mean that the child spends exactly half of their time with each parent, but it does mean that even more consideration needs to be given to the “regular schedule” portion of the joint custody schedule. In order to make sure your child’s best interests are served, you need to strive for regularity though, which is by you should consider the following questions:

How much time will be spent away from both parents?
Where will non-parental time occur?
How much of each day will be spent with the primary parent?
Will time be split between parents each week or will you try alternating week schedules?

Clearly, these questions are not a definitive list, but they are meant to get you thinking about the types of questions that need to be asked for your situation. The things you’ll need to remember is that the regular schedule need not be permanent meaning that it should change and adapt to the child’s need as they grow and that you and the other parent need to work together to establish a sense of stability in your child’s life.

Holiday Schedule

Generally, this is one of the smaller sections of the schedule, but one of the most emotional. Obviously, holidays are a time to be spent with families, so it stands to reason that you want your child with you during the holiday season. However, you need to remember that it’s important that your child needs to spend holidays with both of their parents. When developing your holiday time portion of your schedule, some options include alternating year by year or splitting holidays within the year. Some parents say that this year the child will spend all holidays in the first six months with me and all holidays in the last six months with their other parent. Then, next year they swap. While other parents take a more granular approach and specify exactly which holidays are most important to them. As with everything though, make sure that you don’t let YOUR feelings interfere with what’s best for your child.

Vacation Schedule

If your children are in school or daycare, a vacation schedule becomes important as well. Vacation schedule is probably the second largest block of time in your child’s schedule. This period of a child’s year deals with the time when the child is either not in school or daycare. This includes everything from a multi-month summer vacation to individual in-service school vacations throughout the year. Being a co-parent, now you need to explicitly determine who will make plans for the child if there is a day off from classes. Likewise, any extended vacations you want to take with your child need to be scheduled in advance and approved by the other parent. If anything, the Vacation portion of your child custody schedule is the one most likely to change year to year.

Visitation Schedule Guidelines

If you spend a lot of time creating a parenting schedule, you need to spend just as much time creating guidelines for the schedule. This includes everything from how the transportation of the child will be handled, if transportation time is included in visitation time, what happens if inclement weather disrupts visitation plans, to how changes will be made to the child visitation schedule and what the corrective course of action will be if the schedule is not followed by either parent.

Creating a shared parenting schedule is clearly no easy task and takes not only time to create a plan that’s best for the child, but also diligence by both parents to have the child’s best interest at heart. Many parents have found that some form of software or scheduling service not only saves them time, but it also creates a reliable document and audit trail should they ever need it, especially if you are having trouble getting the other parent to adhere to the agreed upon schedule.

How to get Full Custody of Your Child

By Bill | Published: February 27, 2011

Figuring out how to gain custody of your child is not an easy task. Furthermore, there is no ‘one size fits all’ plan for determining if you’ll even be able to get full custody. But, there are definitely some things you can do that will help your cause.

First off, you can’t be doing this simply because it’s something that you want to do. It is absolutely mandatory that your goal be to look out for what is in the best interests of the children – spite, hatred, and jealousy will get you nowhere. You’ll be figured out before you even get going. The reasons you are doing this is a genuine concern for the well-being of the kids. If that is not the case, then you should save your time and money because the judges, lawyers, evaluators, and the plethora of other people you’ll be in contact with will see right through your ploy.

Secondly, you will need to be prepared. If you are not already the primary caregiver of the children, it means you’ll have to work even harder. The reason for this is that the court system will hesitate to take the kids out of their current primary residence in order to take a chance living with you. You need to be able to prove, without a doubt, that they will be better off with you.

Preparation and Planning

In preparing for this type of event, it is best if you are able to spend a long while gathering information. Information on what the other person has done that can be held against them. Unfortunately, your goal is to make them look bad. But, ideally they will be making themselves look bad and you are simply there to point it out to the people that need to know. This also means that you better be living your life in the ‘straight and narrow’. There are no evenings at the bar or nightclub. No slip-ups with the authorities. If there is anything that will make the judge question their decision to give you custody, your chances will drop drastically.

So, to get full custody you want a nice long list of everything that you have observed. Keep track of anything and everything that you think might have even a remote impact. Keep a log that, at bare minimum, keeps the date and a synopsis of what transpired. It is even helpful to document things that other people told you – your lawyer will be the one to determine if it will be admissible in court, or if that person needs to be called as a witness.

You are going to want to also keep track of all the times that you spend with your child. It might be helpful to keep a quick note of what you did together. The court is going to be looking for things that show that you have a meaningful relationship, and it is your job to show them that. Keep in mind that the other person is going to be trying their hardest to tear you down at the same time.

What to Expect

Once you feel that the other parent has crossed the line, or you feel your children are in eminent danger, it is then time to talk to an attorney. It pays to seek out an attorney that has some experience. Ask around, in most cities there are a few names that are brought up consistently. Go to the best one you can afford.

Once you have your attorney, you will be asked to write up your affidavit. If you kept appropriate logs, it should be fairly easy to write up an affidavit that is extremely high in detail and long. This is not a bad thing. Your attorney might have instructions for you on how they want it written or formatted, but many simply want a timeline of what has led to you trying to figure out how to get full custody. All you need to do is get your documentation in front of you, start at the top, and start elaborating on all of the notes you took. Make sure you enamor in there on why you think each thing is not good for the child. Your lawyer should proofread the document and offer advice, so it doesn’t need to be perfect the first go around.

Once completed, the affidavit is filed with the court and a copy is served to the other parent. What follows will likely be a smattering of evaluations, questions, not to mention a definite hostility from the other parent.

Dealing with the Other Parent

If you get met with any kind of adverse behavior from the other parent, it is absolutely essential that you keep your cool. Emotions are running extremely high at this point and it can be difficult not to attack back or antagonize them. DO NOT DO IT! The court needs to see that you can control yourself. You’re the stable one, the one that can keep your cool. Let the other person make themselves look bad and don’t play into it. What you can do is document it. If you get letters, emails, or text messages – SAVE THEM! Anytime that you need to come into contact with the other parent, use a voice recorder. It might not be admissible in court, but your lawyer will be able to advise you to this. (Note: a lot of states are ‘two party notification’ states with regards to recording. Meaning, that you need to tell them that you’re doing recording them. Use your best judgment in this case – but, it probably won’t fly with that person).

Money

When figuring out how to win full custody of your child, don’t forget to include the monetary costs that you will no doubt incur. It is going to cost a lot of money. You will need to pay your attorney, along with any evaluations that are done. This will likely run into the thousands of dollars very quickly.

Money isn’t the issue -you can always make more of it – your children always come first. But, it would be highly unfortunate if you ran out of it while you were in the middle of proceeding with this. If you have to sell everything you own to make it financially through, then do it.

The question of how to get full custody of your child can’t be answered in one simple article on the internet – it is much too broad of an answer. But, hopefully this gives you a basis that you can build upon so you can do what you need to do for your kids.

Posted in Full Custody | Tagged full custody, how to gain custody of your child, how to get full custody, how to get full custody of your child, how to win full custody of your child | Leave a comment

Do You Have Fathers Rights Custody Questions?

By Bill | Published: February 13, 2011

Being a father is one of the greatest gifts one can imagine. But, when there is a divorce or separation and an impending custody battle, a father’s rights to custody could become an issue. I am going to attempt to lay out a few simple things you can do to protect your rights and if need be, prove to the Court of Law that you are just as fit as the children’s mother to be an important part of their lives. And, maybe even prove that you are the one who should be the primary caregiver of the children.

The Ground Work – Obey the Rules

For fathers custody rights to be taken seriously, he must be a genuinely good person. A father that is in trouble with the law in any way is not very likely to be able to have his child custody wishes heard before the court. He absolutely must be a law abiding citizen. This also means there shouldn’t be any questionable behavior either. For instance, hanging out at the bars isn’t illegal, but the moral question would be raised as to whether a person that frequents the bars and nightclubs is really the correct person to care for the children.

Fathers must not only abide by laws, he must also abide by the rules that were put into place when the original custody arrangement was put into place. Sometimes these rules don’t seem fair, and at times it may seem like the child’s mother can get away with just about anything, but the truth is that she can’t. And, if she is the one not following the rules, it will most definitely be looked down upon by the Courts.

Be Involved

A fathers rights in custody are very much contingent upon the fact that the children know and love their father. If the father is never involved with the children, doesn’t pick them up for visitation on time, and generally shows much disinterest in what is happening with the children, chances are very high that the fathers custody rights will be severely limited.

When it is brought to court, and a fathers rights custody battle ensues, you better know your children well, and they better know you. That means being as involved as you possibly can in everything they do. And, it should not be because you need to do it to look good in court – custody evaluations will prove it if this is the case – it should be because you are genuinely interested in their lives. You will need to know who the child’s doctors are, who their friends are, and many other seemingly small facts. I say ‘seemingly’ because they aren’t small facts, these are all things that are extremely important to the children’s lives.

Document It All

Build yourself a “Fathers Rights Custody Worksheet”. In your worksheet, you will want to document every single thing that happens that is related to the children. A day planner works well to begin with, just to get a feel for it. Things that you will need to document include anything that the children’s mother says to you, the visitation schedule you have arranged, any schedule changes, anything strange that you notice during visitation exchanges, any missed visitations, the exact time your pick up and drop off the children, and especially any activities or appointments you attend. Keep this worksheet as a parenting journal of sorts. It needs to be written in every single day that you have contact with your children.

There may also be times where you have contact with someone that knows the children’s mother. Many times these people will tell you the dirty secrets the mother might be trying to hide – if they do, make sure to write it down. Write their name, and some notes about the conversation. It might be the case that you will need to summon these people to court.

If you fail to keep your fathers rights custody worksheet current, you will inevitably forget something. So it is best if you have access to it wherever you go – online is ideal if you have access to a computer often.

If the Inevitable Happens – You’re Prepared

You might be keeping your worksheet up for years. But, there may come a fateful day where you either decide that you need to get custody of your children, or their mother tries to limit your custody rights. When these custody issues arise, you will be prepared with all of your documentation on why you are a great parent.

But, above all – actually be the best parent you can be! All other things aside, it will be an extremely rewarding experience for yourself and especially for your children.

It should never be taken for granted that fathers have rights too – but, all too often it is taken for granted. Be different and take a stand for your rights in your fathers rights custody hearing.

Posted in Custody Rights | Tagged fathers custody rights, fathers have rights, fathers rights custody, fathers rights in custody, Fathers rights to custody | Leave a comment

Preparing for Custody Battles

By Dan | Published: February 13, 2011

Divorce is hardly a pleasant experience for anyone; however, when children are involved and both parents are pursuing custody, the ensuing custody battle can be exceptionally difficult for everyone involved. If you find yourself in the midst of a custody battle or frankly are preparing for one that has yet to occur, there are steps that you need to take and things that need to be considered.

Often, parents can work things out and share custody of the children. Both parents work amicably together with joint custody rights, often using shared parenting schedules, keep the child’s best interests at heart. In all instances and without a doubt, this is the path that should be pursued first. When both of you are responsible adults that are able to contribute to the positive upbringing of your children, then you should.

However when you believe that you should have custody of your children and the other parent disagrees, you need to prepare yourself for a long, hard-fought child custody battle and follow these steps on how to get full custody of your child:

Have a strategy
Keep your facts consistent
Emphasize the positives
Don’t fight the system – try to win it over

Have a strategy

Anyone who is preparing for, going through or has come out the other side of a custody battle can tell you that it is an extremely emotional situation. You are not fighting for your best interest, but rather your child’s. In this situation, it’s important to have a strategy. That is, it’s important to enter the situation with a clearly thought out idea as to why your child is going to be best off with you. Do you already spend the most time with your child? Can you offer a positive home environment? Are you financially able and willing to be the sole custody provider? Any, I not all of these things are important in your custody strategy. It’s important to not let your emotions towards your ex-partner diminish your capacity to effectively communicate why it’s best for the child if you are the custodial parent.

Keep your facts consistent

Once you have your strategy determined, you need to make sure that you keep your facts consistent. While each party will have a different story as to why they should be gain primary custody, it’s important that you maintain a single version of the truth, which means you should clearly communicate why you feel you should have custody and produce a convincing evidence trail to support your claims. It really is important at this stage to document everything that happens in your child’s life as well as your interactions with the other parent. Keep track of time spent with each parent, pick-ups, drop-offs, outings, etc. It’s important that during the custody battle, you don’t constantly change your story as to why the child would be best with you. This is what we mean by a single version of the truth.

Emphasize the Positives

Throughout the constant process of creating a thorough evidence trail, many people suggest that you keep the reasons you want your child positive. Unless the other parent engages in blatantly risky or illegal behavior that can put your child at risk, you should focus on the positive and loving environment that you can offer your child. The biggest mistake many parents make is letting any bitter feelings toward the other parent color their custody case. Remember it’s not about you versus them. It’s about your child.

Don’t try to beat the system – win it

Anyone will tell you, the family legal system is not fair. The custody mediation process is not fair. And, no, you can’t change it over night. That shouldn’t be your goal. Custody of your child is your goal and to achieve this, you need to win over the judge, the mediator, the court system. You need to show them that truly the child’s best interest is served if you have custody. If you have a clearly defined strategy, supported by evidence that speaks of the positive, loving environment that you can provide, you have a very good chance of gaining custody. As with everything involved in this process, the most important thing to remember is that it’s not about your or the other parent, but about your children.

Posted in Full Custody | Tagged child custody battle, custody battles, how to get full custody of your child, joint custody rights, shared parenting schedules | Leave a comment

Setting Up a Visitation Schedule

By Dan | Published: February 1, 2011

After your divorce or separation, one of the major things that will need to be addressed when children are involved are visitation schedules. Generally speaking, both parents have had a hand in the raising of the children and both parents will want to remain a part of their children’s lives as well. The difficulty becomes creating a visitation schedule that both parties find accessible and allows each parent to maintain an active role in their children’s lives. It’s important for each parent to remember that whatever child visitation schedule is drafted and adopted by the parents, it’s not about you, it’s about them. Every child deserves to have both parents in their life and be loved by both parent. Neither parent should actively work to limit the time a child gets to spend with the other parent, nor should they seek spread ill-will about the other parent. With that said, we need to look at how to setup a fair schedule for all parties involved.

Your child visitation schedule is the calendar of events for the daily activities of your children’s lives. It should show where the child is during days, evenings, weekends, holidays and any other special events or occurrences. It’s important to remember that there really is no standard visitation schedule out there. Instead, the schedule that you and the other parent create is the agreed upon times that the child will spend with each of you. Some of the main things that you’ll want to take into consideration when developing your visitation schedule are the following items:

Frequency of Visits
Holidays
School Vacations
Other Events
Transit Time Between Parents

Of course this list is not meant to be exhaustive, but it will give you a good starting point when creating your own schedule. One of the main things to remember, is that, except in very rare circumstances, there is no standard visitation schedule.

Frequency Of Visits

One of the first things to contend with is how often the child will spend time with each parent. When you have two parents who are sharing custody, the child often splits their time between parents evenly. When one parent is the primary parent, and for whatever reason, the other parent does not follow a 50/50 custody schedule or shares parenting responsibilities equally, the child may only spend a small portion of their time with this parent. This may be only a few hours on a couple evenings during the week or perhaps an overnight on the weekend. As you can see, though, there really isn’t a default here. The important thing is to spell out exactly the frequency of the events.

Holidays

Both parents will generally want to spend some holidays with their child. When spelling out the holiday visits, it’s important to remember that holiday memories should be made with both parents. Each parent may want to monopolize the holiday time with their child, but this shouldn’t happen. Holidays are all about memories and each parent should have an opportunity to make those memories with their child. To make holidays less stress full, the visitation times should be explicitly spelled out AND followed as well. Remember too that holiday time is often part of the court decree or mediation, so both parties need to make sure they follow this part of the schedule.

School Vacations

Like holidays, school vacations are extended periods of time when the child is free during the day. This presents opportunities for parents to spend full days with their children. Likewise, since the majority of school vacation happens during the summer, this is a perfect opportunity for parents to take summer vacations with their children. Some parents split summers since the block of time is much larger. Other parents have learned to alternate entire summers with parents.

Other Events

Birthdays, anniversaries and other special days are often a grey area, but should be taken into consideration as well. Often not only will the parents want to spend the child’s birthday with them, they may also want the child to spend the parent’s birthday with them. Since these days are important to either parent, they should not be discounted and both parents need to be flexible to each others requested days.

Transit Time

Transit time is often an element that’s overlooked when designing the schedule. This is the time that it takes to get from one parent’s home to the other. So if parent A has the child from 5-9 on a Wednesday evening, does that mean that the child has to be at parent B’s home by 9? What if the parent’s 30-60 minutes apart? Getting from one parent’s house to the other can eat up 15-25% of visitation time (if not more). When calculating time spent with each parent, you need to take this into consideration as well.

As you can see, we’ve only just begun to scratch the surface in creating schedules. More than any thing though, I’m hoping to give you some things to think about when creating your own. In addition, there are a number of visitation schedule examples to start with. Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that the other parent is not trying to take time away from you, but rather spend time with your child.

Posted in Parenting Calendar | Tagged child visitation schedule, standard visitation schedule, visitation schedule, visitation schedule examples, visitation schedules | Leave a comment

Handling Custody Issues During and After a Divorce

By Bill | Published: January 25, 2011

When a divorce happens where there are children involved, it is not uncommon for there to be custody issues somewhere down the road. This tends to happen when both parents are very involved in the raising of their children. They both love the children equally and it is quite easy for one to not approve of the way the children are being raised by the other parent.

Family court custody issues have become commonplace in America. The court system does not like these types of disputes because the judges know that it is not possible for them to know all of the facts to make a completely informed decision on what is best for the children. They believe that the parents need to work it out together because they are the ones that know the children.

How can you avoid child custody issues?

The best thing you can possibly do is to sit down with the other parent at a time when you are getting along the best. You will need to try to work out every detail of how the children are going to be raised. This includes topics like religion, medical needs, education, expenses, visitation between parents, and an explicitly defined list of how holiday times will be handled. Building shared parenting schedules like this will help answer questions later on about who the child is supposed to be with, and when.

Custody issues in divorce proceedings are a little more difficult to handle. These parents are technically still married, and chances are high that one parent is very bitter at the other. It will be especially difficult, in these types of situations, for the parents to be able to sit down and iron out the details of child rearing. Since there is already a hearing scheduled for the divorce, it will probably be best if the details are discussed between each parent’s attorneys – or at very least, have the attorneys present while the discussion is happening between parents. Divorce custody issues are the most difficult to be peacefully resolved, but it is necessary to come to an agreement that makes sense for everyone.

Already having custody issues?

If you have already gone through these things, or have a court ordered schedule already in place, but are still having custody issues, it might be time to take it back to court. You will need to have a very strong case if you plan to try to get the previously agreed upon arrangements changed, though. Family court judges know that moving children back and forth from home to home is not good for them – and you will need substantial evidence that proves that the other parent is not acting in the best interest of your kids.

There are a few things you can do that will make the judge’s decision easier, and make your attorney’s job easier, as well.

Keep a highly detailed account of everything that happens concerning your ex-spouse and your children. This includes how many times your ex moves, changes jobs, changes personal relationships, or any other information that you think is detrimental to the kids. You may later need this information to write an affidavit to the court, and you can bet that your own testimony will be highly comprised of this information.
Track all of the time that you spend with your children. Pick-up times, drop-off times, brief notes of activities you did together, what the children ate, their general demeanor, as well as anything that seems out of the ordinary that they mention. But, remember: Never push your children for information – simply write down anything that seemed strange. It is surprising how many times those little comments will manifest themselves into an issue that is happening with the other parent.

If you do those two things alone, you’re attorney will thank you. They will have a great place to start when they are deciding on their line of questioning, and have a good idea of the stability (or instability) of the other parent.

Custody issues are a very unpleasant experience, but you can prevent them if you are able to work with your ex-spouse. If you cannot work with your ex-spouse, then the next best thing is to get the court system involved to get the issues settled.

Posted in Custody Issues | Tagged child custody issues, custody issues, custody issues in divorce, divorce custody issues, family court custody issues, shared parenting schedules | Leave a comment

Shared Custody Schedules Help Split Time Between Parents

By Dan | Published: January 24, 2011

After a divorce or separation, parents who have agreed that the children should spend equal amount of time with each parent should look at shared custody schedules. Shared custody or joint parenting is when the children spend 50 percent of their time with each parent. While that might sound nice, clean and easy in theory, it’s often more difficult to realize in life. The main reason for this, often is lack of planning. If everything is spelled out explicitly, there’s little room for interpretation as far as when children are spending time with what parent, which is why an explicitly defined schedule has become a powerful tool for parents who are sharing custody of their children. With that said, though, there are some things that need to be taken into consideration because there isn’t one way to create a schedule and each couple need to determine what visitation schedule will work for them. Two of the more common 50 50 custody schedules that we’ll look at here are 2/2/3 and Alternating Week schedules. Each of these have the benefits and drawbacks, which we’ll look at now.

2/2/3 Visitation Schedule

A very popular type of visitation schedule is the 2/2/3 Visitation Schedule, which is so named because of the amount if time that the child spends which each parent. The child spends the first two days of the week with the first parent, then two days with the next parent and finally a long three day weekend back with the first parent. At the beginning of the first week, the parent that the child did not spend the weekend with, starts the week with custody and thus will end the week with custody. In this situation, basically a child spends two days with one parent, two days with the next, and then alternates Fridays through Sundays between the two parents. This approach is popular because it’s easy to use and easy to follow. It also allows the child to spend time with both parents during the week, which can be beneficial to the children and parents as well.

One common problem that you might encounter with this type of setup is if the parents live far apart or the child does not do well with constant change to their routine. If the parents do not live close to each, much of the time can be spent traveling and not with your children. It can also introduce the element of the unknown, where parents cite circumstances beyond their control for not making drop-offs and pick-ups. Likewise, the constant disruption to your child(ren)’s schedules may adversely affect their socialization, schoolwork and mental state. If parents live nearby and your children will not suffer from the constant change, this is definitely one option to consider.

Alternating Week Schedules

Another type of joint custody schedule is the Alternating Week Schedule. As the name implies, in this type of arrangement, children spend one full week with one parent and the next week with the other parent. The reason why some parents prefer this over a 2/2/3 schedule or another type for that matter is because there can be less interruption to your child(ren)’s daily routines. This arrangement also works well when the parents do not necessarily live near each other anymore. That way, the time that everyone does get to spend with each other isn’t spent traveling.

One criticism is that parents go an entire week without seeing their child at all. When parents live relatively close to each other, some couples have found that arranging one evening spent with the other parent helps to eliminate some of the loneliness from not seeing their children for an entire week. In this situation, if the child(ren) is scheduled to spend the week with Parent A, on Wednesday night from 5-9, they may spend the evening with Parent B. This keeps the other parent informed as to what’s going on in their child(ren)’s life when they are not scheduled to spend the week with them. As mentioned, though, this generally only works when the parents live relatively close to each other.

Whatever schedule you chose from the different types of shared parenting schedules, you should make sure that it works for your situation. If you do decide to go down this route, you need to make sure that the schedule is explicitly spelled and and each party sticks to it. Likewise, any deviations from the schedule need to be approved and worked out in advance. If you follow these steps for creating a schedule, you should be on the way to creating an amicable shared parenting arrangement.

Posted in Parenting Calendar | Tagged 50 50 custody schedule, joint custody schedule, shared custody schedules, shared parenting schedules, visitation schedule | Leave a comment

Parenting Calendars Help Relieve Stress When They Work

By Dan | Published: January 18, 2011

Many time parenting calendars are suggested as a way for divorced or separated parents to agree upon a co-parenting strategy that helps alleviate stress. When both parents agree to work the parenting calendar, they can help divorced parents keep track of activities, visitation schedules and the day-to-day routines of their children. When both parties agree to the calendar and stick to it, they can be a wonderful tool in your co-parenting situation. However, that is in an ideal situation and we all know that divorce is hardly an ideal situation for anyone involved. What many divorced or divorcing parents don’t realize is that parenting time calendars can be used to help you maintain or achieve custody of your children.

How to use Parenting Calendars when preparing for a Custody Battle

As we said above, shared parenting plans laid out on easy to use calendars are an extremely convenient tool for parents when they both agree to use it. However, what about using a parenting time calendar in the time leading up to a divorce, custody hearing or mediation? In this scenario, a parenting calendar can help you actually gain full or primary custody of your children. By documenting all of your interactions, events, time spent with you and the other parent, you’ll be able to enter a custody hearing or mediation with a substantial amount of easy to read data that clearly lays out the actual day-to-day activity of your children and the time that they have spent with each child. This eliminates much of the hearsay involved in custody mediation for all parties involved in creating a shared custody schedule.

For instance, if you have records and reports that support your claim that your children already spend the majority of their non-school, awake time with you, the judge or mediator is more likely to take this in to consideration in the development of a court supported shared parenting schedule, than if you merely tell them that your children spend their time with you and not the other parent. Using a parenting schedule in the time before and leading up to a custody mediation or divorce proceedings is a proactive step that can help you get or maintain primary custody of your child(ren). The main thing to remember when using a parenting calendar to support your claim for custody of your children is that in order for it to be a valuable tool, you need to use it regularly. Documenting all dealing with your ex on a parenting time calendar must become part of your regular routine, which is why whatever tool you choose, it must be accessible from anywhere and easily updatable.

What should you look for in a Parenting Calendar

As we touched on earlier, if you are going to use a parenting calendar to help maintain an already established shared parenting schedule with someone else, or to support your case in custody mediation, you need to make sure that it has the right features and you use it regularly. A good parenting calendar should allow you to track or setup multiple pickup-up/drop-offs, log important events, create detailed reports, and keep important information of your children and the other partner. Ideally, you should be able to store information pertaining to your children’s appointments, doctor’s visits, and school information as well. Ease of use is another important thing to make sure of, too. If the parenting calendar isn’t easy to use, no one will use it. If no one uses it, established shared custody schedules won’t work as well as they’re intended or your case won’t be as strong in mediation.

Posted in Parenting Calendar | Tagged parenting calendar, parenting time calendar, shared custody schedules, shared parenting plan, shared parenting schedules | Leave a comment

Full Custody of Your Children – Where to Start

By Dan | Published: January 13, 2011

While many couples may be able to work out a mutually agreeable custody-sharing relationship during and after a divorce, in some situations, one parent may need to push for full custody rights. Full custody means that a single parent has exclusive rights to the welfare and upbringing of your child. In the eyes of the legal system, the parent that has full custody rights has the final say in all matters pertaining to welfare of the child. Because of this, divorces where one parent is granted full custody rights are becoming extremely uncommon. In fact sole custody decisions are generally only granted when one parent can prove that the other parent is unfit to perform the very basic of parenting responsibilities. Oftentimes, custodial rights are restricted or removed because it’s been proven that a parent abuses alcohol or drugs, is a child abuser or has been found guilty of domestic violence.

Because of the horrible circumstances that you have to find yourself in to want to fight for full custody of a child, it’s probably not a situation that most people hope to find themselves in. If you are in that situation where you truly believe you have having full custody rights of your children is what’s best, it’s not going to be an easy thing to accomplish. Similarly “how to get full custody of your child” is not a topic that can be covered easily, but there are some things that you can do, preferably early on, that are going to increase your chances of being granted sole custody of your children.

Document Everything

Many attorneys, mediators and judges will tell you that divorce is rarely an easy thing to go through. More often than not, it’s a constant barrage of hearsay, making it difficult for these professionals to uncover what’s truly best for the kids. So if you truly are going to press for full custody rights, you need to get in the habit of documenting everything. Every time something is said, done, witnessed or experienced, keep a log of it. Gather as much evidence as possible to support your case. This can include time logs, descriptions of what you witnessed, text messages, voicemails, emails, conversations with others, etc. Clearly this can quickly turn into a large amount of information, so a means of keeping it all organized and accessible is important, too. By keeping all of this and having it organized, you will have an entire trove of information and evidence to offer on your behalf, which will work to sidestep much of the hearsay that’s sure to be involved.

Sole Custody Misconceptions

If you do decide that you are going to seek sole custody, remember there are some commonly held misconceptions. First, no judge is automatically going to grant full custody for mothers. It used be a commonly held belief that having a mother present during early development years was important. Research has shown that the gender of the parent does not matter as much as the parent be active and involved.

Second, father’s custody rights are an important and legitimate concern for judges, mediators and attorneys. Father’s are not discriminated against in custody proceedings if they have the proof and documentation to show that they are the parent that can offer the child the most stable, nurturing and caring environment.

None of us really want to find our self in the situation where we need figure out how to get full custody of your child because the road that brings us there is not a good one to say the least. If you do find yourself on this path, though, remember that it’s important to document any and all information regarding your children and the other parent. This way when you do begin the custody hearings, you’ll have a better chance of being granted full custody rights.

Remember, when you get full custody of your child, you also get full custody of child rearing and all other responsibilities. So, this is not a decision to take lightly and should only be attempted if you are positive that you can raise the child alone.

Posted in Full Custody | Tagged father custody right, Full custody for mothers, full custody of child, full custody rights, how to get full custody of your child | Leave a comment

Why Shared Parenting Schedules are Difficult to Follow

By Bill | Published: January 12, 2011

Sometimes in the event of a custody hearing, a Judge will order parents to come up with shared parenting schedules together – and sometimes it is the willful choice of the parents. Although it seems like a great idea to begin with, this will prove to be a difficult schedule to follow, especially as children start to grow up. But, with a little forethought, divorced parents should be able to come up with something that will be good enough to get through the difficult times.

There are three things that will cause a shared parenting plan to go awry:

Age of the child or children
Conflict between the parents
The differing lives of the separate families

Growing Children

First and foremost, as the children from a divorced family begin to grow up, they will begin to have a mind of their own. It is difficult when the child ‘decides’ that they do not want to go to the other parents’ home and this will almost definitely cause strife between the parents. The parent is on the losing side of the visitation coin will almost certainly blame the other parent for the child not wanting to visit. But, it is important for both parents to remember that the children of divorce have their own lives to lead as well. It can become very unfair to the kids if they have to choose between soccer practice and visiting the other parent – remember, they just want to be kids. But, everyone must realize that parenting time schedules will need to be adjusted as the children grow.

Parental Conflict

Divorced or separated parenting difficulties are only amplified if the parents cannot agree on anything. You may think you have the most solid shared parenting schedules, but those schedules seem to fly right out the window when special occasions arise, or when the holidays get close. In fact, conflict is the most common thing that will make shared parenting almost impossible for most divorcees.

Lives That Go Different Directions

As the families separate, they will each take on their own characteristics. It is possible that one family will live similarly to the pre-divorce family while the other takes a different direction. This direction change is going to cause difficulties with shared parenting schedules. Parents might remarry, they will move, or change jobs – the list of changes only broadens as the years pass. The values of one family are most certainly going to be different than the values of the other. For shared parenting schedules to work, the parents need to be in constant communication about the children, and as these changes in personal lives happen, it will prove to make the communication more difficult.

What can you do about it?

The best shared custody schedules are ones that are written in advance and both parties can agree to everything in them. This will only happen if the parties are at an amicable place in the post-divorce relationship. You will need to sit down with the other parent and iron out the details of visitation. Come up with a parenting plan template that will allow enough flexibility for the child that as changes happen, the child doesn’t feel like they are causing hard feelings to either parent.

When designing shared parenting schedules, here are some important things to pre-plan so they aren’t a surprise to anyone down the road:

Visitation exchanges and times
Trips out of town and extended stays
What to do if there is a surprise visit from out-of-towners and the child is at the other parents house
How to handle transportation – to and from doctor, special events, visitation exchanges, or anything else you can think of
Bad weather

The above items are simply examples – what you need to do is try to anticipate possible difficult spots in advance. It will never be an all inclusive list, but the more you can iron out, the better off everyone will be. Try to leave nothing to chance.

And, as always, document everything. People’s lives change and evolve. They will forget the agreements made, wish they hadn’t made them, or simply disobey what they initially agreed to. So, when you are involved in a custody situation, you absolutely must keep detailed records of everything that transpires between you and the other parent – not the least of times is when things seem to be going good. If a custody modification hearing should ever appear in your future, you want to have the documentation of events on your side.

Shared parenting schedules are never going to be a permanent solution, especially as the child grows. But, if both parents can put aside their differences for a few hours and sit down together to come up with a schedule that works for the child, they will reap the benefits of a much less stressful parenting relationship.

Posted in Parenting Calendar | Tagged parenting plan template, parenting time schedules, shared custody schedules, shared parenting plan, shared parenting schedules | Leave a comment

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